The last time I wrote, I was thinking about saying goodbye to 2016 and hello to 2017.  Still there. It's a process. Looking backwards isn't as hard as it used to be. It has become easier to not dwell on the rough times and to instead, learn and let go.  It has become almost a joy...a celebration...to acknowledge the strength and growth that came from the rough times. It has always been a joy to celebrate good memories and accomplishments.

Looking ahead is where I have a new learning curve. This past year, and moving forward, it is less about goals and "want to do" or "should do" things and more about WHO I want to be, Who I Am. It is about being honest with myself, finally. I used to think that was selfish, and it may appear that way sometimes. From this vantage point in life, I wish I had been a little more so when I was younger.  It is when we take care of ourselves and live into our fullest potential of who we are that we can be the best us for those we love.

Without striving to meet the "should" goals as my priority, it is now more about how I want to feel and the people and experiences I want in my life.  Honestly, it is about learning to live with no regrets and living into myself so that at the end, there will be awesome stories to tell of an authentic, loving person who lived her life fully-her way, and taught others to do the same.  I believe that my actions, and my goals as such, will spring naturally from that.  I have stopped painting a specific picture of the life I want and instead I am learning to vision the essence, the feel, of my life in light of who I believe I am. And then I trust. Each step I take, each goal, each dream, either puts me in that feeling, or takes me one step closer as I peel off the layers of masks I have worn over the years.

And decorating the tree with my two youngest granddaugthers?  It was exactly what I dream of,  an awesome day filled with joy, good feelings & hugs, love and memories....the kind of life and essence I treasure.

Rough night last night with some seriously painful leg cramps.  These aren’t Charlie horses, but excruciating tightness on the outside lower leg/ankle/foot.  Usually it is just one leg, not this time, it was like trying to walk on two pieces of wood.  I was able to keep it at bay during the evening by getting up and walking around/stretching a lot, but I was afraid to go to sleep…..so some meds came into play.  I have a love/hate relationship with medications, but in this case, they were appreciated. It had been a great day doing an Open House event yesterday, but I was probably in boots too long.  Ohhh, moving on. 

Today, is all about rest, catching up on house things, “me” things and to prepare for the coming week… to ensure there is balance. It is also time for beginning the process of saying goodbye to 2016 and letting go….and saying hello to 2017 and visioning.  And, grand kids are coming later to help decorate the tree, have some hot cocoa, watch the snow fall and watch movies!  A perfect day.

Three years later, not much, and everything, is new.  However, I will not be catching up and telling the story of the last 3 plus years.  I have stopped looking backwards.  I used to think that it helped to look backwards to understand where I was in the present.  Maybe it’s age, or experience, or simply tiredness….for now, I prefer to just be in the moment and let the past be in the past.  No sense recapping three years of continued crisis, change, struggle AND wonderful life events, since I last wrote here.

Life is life and it has ups and downs, and whatever needs to unfold will in it's own time. The real story is today, with no excuses or explanations of yesterday and no promises for tomorrow. Today is both imperfect and a blessing. And, I’m just glad to be here and have time with the ones I love.

One Never Knows...

Well, I was right about it not being another 7 months before returning to my blog.  It was 11 months!

Life has a way of rearranging our plans. Geez, I think that should be the name of this blog.  Life Rearranged. It seems to be a reocurring theme in my life.   hmmmm.....

Anyway, to proceed with my tale of woe...I had done most of the background work with my almost business and was getting ready to launch my website, when my husband was laid off work. He had been with his company for exactly 30 years, to the day. We are on the high side of 50 and with retirement looming, things got a bit scary. We went into a sort of shut down mode with spending while we regrouped. I am not sure we have totally regrouped yet, but at least the initial pulling up of the bootstraps has been done. I couldn't see my way to spend any more on a new, unproven start up business. There would have been material fees and craft show fees, etc.  Fear of the unknown ruled.

Fortunately, I was offered some temporary work for the organization I 'retired' from. I have put everything on hold since then, choosing to take the known income path, rather than the unknown.  I can't even begin to relate some of the ups and downs of the last year, suffice it to say there have been many, both financial and emotional, for both of us. 

This January/February I had some decisions to make...it was time to decide about renewals on web services and things of that nature.  There is an office sort of full with project ideas and projects in process. In the early months of this experience, I didn't venture at all into my office. I didn't want to, couldn't bring myself to, go in there. When I finally did, it was rather eerie.  Everything was as I had left it, mid-project, months earlier.   I have thought long and hard, and decided 'what the heck.' What's one more year and a couple hundred dollars (she said sarcastically). It buys me a little more time to see if I can follow an old dream, even a little bit.   So, I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, or the next day, or the next.

I only know that there is a little hope. And sometimes, that is really all we need. 

Stay Tuned! 

  Coyote Laughing is coming soon.

 Just as in nature, there is always something going on behind the scenes. This has been true for this adventure, as well.  After leaving my job, my time schedule has taken many and varied paths, leaving computer and blogging time scarce. I have written a great deal though and someday, I might do a quick highlighted tour of the journey over the last 7 months.

True, there have been some times of loooonnng dormancy, but there have also been times of frenzied growth.  I am still here and getting closer to realizing the ideas that began back in 2010 when I began this blog. My new website, www.coyotelaughing.com will be up and running soon and I am gearing up for the spring/summer art fair/craft show season. 

I do know that it will not be another 7 months until I am back here at Coffee Time.  See you soon.

I Did It-My Own Cafepress store

Well, after much frustration, it is done.  I invite you to visit my work in progress,  my new online shop for photography gifts and stationary at www.cafepress.com/CoyoteLaughing. I am still learning and have made some mistakes, which I am sure is a normal thing to do.  But, it has begun.  My first series of items is called, Summer Pleasures.  I still have a few more things to add so that I can offer some mix and match items. 

It sure took a long time to get rolling, but now I think I have the hang of it.  I made the error of creating many of my first items in the 'create and buy' section. This was a mistake. When you open the store, you may not be able to transfer items that have already been created.  Fortunately, I did not open a Basic shop (you can't transfer from 'create and buy' to a Basic shop) and I was able to eventually transfer the items I already made. It took a little help from the help center at Cafepress. I must say they were prompt and quite helpful.  Thank goodness!

In addition to adding items without text to my Summer Pleasures Collection, I have a few other collections in the works; Sunsets, Butterflies, Flowers-Wild and Garden Variety, and eventually some travel sets.  And somewhere in there, I intend to get my new blog up and running. Realistically, that might not happen until early August and I have some time off coming as I transition out of full time work to self-employed. But it WILL happen.

With only two weeks left at my full time job, I am right on schedule.  Actually, I sort of wish I had begun this part of the process earlier, but what can I say. Life happens!

So, please checkout my online store and let me know what you think.

Progress Continues

Just a quick post tonight.  I have made it through most spring and summer photos and have a back up drive and I am developing a sort of system in keeping up with this.  I would still like to figure out my online back up system, too. 

I have a few designs on CafePress, but did not get my store opened up yet.  It takes time to figure out which photos to use and what, if any, affects I want to use...or if any text.  I will definately post when the store gets open. 

As I continue work with the pictures, I may take another try at entering a couple photos into the National Wildlife Federation annual photo contest.  I did it last year, too.  Even if nothing comes of it, it is good practice. 

What a great day today has been. Began the morning with work on photos, did some yard work and gardening, picked some fresh spinach and lettuce from my garden for our summer salad, and now I am sitting outside enjoying a beautiful summer night and writing. 

So that's it. Short and sweet.  Happy summer!