The last time I wrote, I was thinking about saying goodbye to 2016 and hello to 2017. Still there. It's a process. Looking backwards isn't as hard as it used to be. It has become easier to not dwell on the rough times and to instead, learn and let go. It has become almost a joy...a celebration...to acknowledge the strength and growth that came from the rough times. It has always been a joy to celebrate good memories and accomplishments.
Looking ahead is where I have a new learning curve. This past year, and moving forward, it is less about goals and "want to do" or "should do" things and more about WHO I want to be, Who I Am. It is about being honest with myself, finally. I used to think that was selfish, and it may appear that way sometimes. From this vantage point in life, I wish I had been a little more so when I was younger. It is when we take care of ourselves and live into our fullest potential of who we are that we can be the best us for those we love.
Without striving to meet the "should" goals as my priority, it is now more about how I want to feel and the people and experiences I want in my life. Honestly, it is about learning to live with no regrets and living into myself so that at the end, there will be awesome stories to tell of an authentic, loving person who lived her life fully-her way, and taught others to do the same. I believe that my actions, and my goals as such, will spring naturally from that. I have stopped painting a specific picture of the life I want and instead I am learning to vision the essence, the feel, of my life in light of who I believe I am. And then I trust. Each step I take, each goal, each dream, either puts me in that feeling, or takes me one step closer as I peel off the layers of masks I have worn over the years.
And decorating the tree with my two youngest granddaugthers? It was exactly what I dream of, an awesome day filled with joy, good feelings & hugs, love and memories....the kind of life and essence I treasure.
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